Dr Les - The Mind Of A Muppet

Surgery Notes - 26th August 2010

Sir,

Two games in and two points clear. By my reckoning it will all be over by Christmas, but in the meantime here are a couple of things to think about:
1. On Your Bike, Joe Cole

"He's here, he's there, he's every-fucking-where" - well that's not entirely true is it ? He's no longer here as he left for the cash, but neither is he there either, because he's banned for the first red card of his pathetic career and banned from driving as well, after terrorising the good people of Claygate with his 100 mph antics and his east London ways. In Liverpool they are calling him god - which just goes to show what a great sense of humour your scouser has. What can we expect next from former West Ham lowlife Joe ? Perhaps a CCTV clip of him giving some poor shell-suited scally a slap while bevvied up. Fuck off Joe Cole, you useless hasbeen.
2. Dick Barton

Talking of CCTV footage of battering scousers, I see my old friend Joey Barton has decided to shave of his 'tache live on air. I think Joey realised he was a homosexual during his recent stay in Walton jail, where he was made to shave the back of his thighs, grow a prison-pussy style goatee beard and call himself Josephina.
3. Crouching Wanker, Hidden Tosser

Comedy freak Peter Crouch is in the papers, claiming that Spurs want to draw Real Madrid in the Champions League. Come on, Peter, wake up and look around you. Do you really think that N17 is the place for Jose ? All those loose women, robot dancing and kung fu kicks have sent you mental. No wonder Fabio left you on the bench in the summer. Not only are you shit but you are clearly deluded as well.
4. Boing Boing Baggies, Going, Going, Gone

I enjoyed taking Osgood, my first born, to the Bridge for his first game. It was a good one, too, the Mighty Blues destroying pathetic West Brom. I was very proud to see that Osgood was more interested in having a row with the visiting supporters than watching the match - I don't mind telling you, it brought a tear to my eye. The only two slight disappointments were 1) I only realised they don't sell booze in the family section when it was too late, and 2) the WBA fans are a bunch of cunts, and foul mouthed cunts at that. I mean, there was I with a young impressionable child, and there's the West Brom mob chanting "fuck off Chelsea" during the pre-match rendition of The Liquidator. Luckily they have such a poor grasp of the English language that Osgood could not understand a word they were saying. The sooner they are back in the Championship the better (no offence, Eddie and Roberto).
5. Priesty Where ?
I was back in the UK for a month this summer, and despite numerous invitations Priesty did not show even for one tear-up. Is he getting old, or does he spend his evenings listening to the Archers and drinking a pint of mild ? He missed a big night out in the Be@1 bar in Exeter St, Covent Garden. This is the only place I've ever been where they turn the music off and get the whole bar to cheer you on while you chug a Flaming Lamborghini. Great night, made even better observing my brother being chatted up by some Doris who stormed off when she realised he was too wankered to talk, let alone get it up.

You see my point ?
Les.

Partly, Les - I drink real ale, not mild. You were invited to my place on numerous occasions, but were too busy making a fucking beast of yourself with Rooney's cast-off bitches.
Priesty.
Is Dr Les quackers, or do you agree with every word ? Tell him what YOU think.

**Surgery Notes - 26th August 2010**
Sir, Two games in and two points clear. By my reckoning it will all be over by Christmas, but in the meantime here are a couple of things to think about: 1. On Your Bike, Joe Cole "He's here, he's there, he's every-fucking-where" - well that's not entirely true is it ? He's no longer here as he left for the cash, but neither is he there either, because he's banned for the first red card of his pathetic career and banned from driving as well, after terrorising the good people of Claygate with his 100 mph antics and his east London ways. In Liverpool they are calling him god - which just goes to show what a great sense of humour your scouser has. What can we expect next from former West Ham lowlife Joe ? Perhaps a CCTV clip of him giving some poor shell-suited scally a slap while bevvied up. Fuck off Joe Cole, you useless hasbeen. 2. Dick Barton Talking of CCTV footage of battering scousers, I see my old friend Joey Barton has decided to shave of his 'tache live on air. I think Joey realised he was a homosexual during his recent stay in Walton jail, where he was made to shave the back of his thighs, grow a prison-pussy style goatee beard and call himself Josephina. 3. Crouching Wanker, Hidden Tosser Comedy freak Peter Crouch is in the papers, claiming that Spurs want to draw Real Madrid in the Champions League. Come on, Peter, wake up and look around you. Do you really think that N17 is the place for Jose ? All those loose women, robot dancing and kung fu kicks have sent you mental. No wonder Fabio left you on the bench in the summer. Not only are you shit but you are clearly deluded as well. 4. Boing Boing Baggies, Going, Going, Gone I enjoyed taking Osgood, my first born, to the Bridge for his first game. It was a good one, too, the Mighty Blues destroying pathetic West Brom. I was very proud to see that Osgood was more interested in having a row with the visiting supporters than watching the match - I don't mind telling you, it brought a tear to my eye. The only two slight disappointments were 1) I only realised they don't sell booze in the family section when it was too late, and 2) the WBA fans are a bunch of cunts, and foul mouthed cunts at that. I mean, there was I with a young impressionable child, and there's the West Brom mob chanting "fuck off Chelsea" during the pre-match rendition of The Liquidator. Luckily they have such a poor grasp of the English language that Osgood could not understand a word they were saying. The sooner they are back in the Championship the better (no offence, Eddie and Roberto). 5. Priesty Where ? I was back in the UK for a month this summer, and despite numerous invitations Priesty did not show even for one tear-up. Is he getting old, or does he spend his evenings listening to the Archers and drinking a pint of mild ? He missed a big night out in the Be@1 bar in Exeter St, Covent Garden. This is the only place I've ever been where they turn the music off and get the whole bar to cheer you on while you chug a Flaming Lamborghini. Great night, made even better observing my brother being chatted up by some Doris who stormed off when she realised he was too wankered to talk, let alone get it up. You see my point ? Les. Partly, Les - I drink real ale, not mild. You were invited to my place on numerous occasions, but were too busy making a fucking beast of yourself with Rooney's cast-off bitches. Priesty. Is Dr Les quackers, or do you agree with every word ? Tell him what YOU think.

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