Dr Les - The Mind Of A Muppet

Surgery Notes - 2nd August 2010

Sir,

The birds are singing, the sun is shining, the grass is growing, all is good in the world. Here's 10 things that are tickling my prostate:
1. Joe Cole, Shut Your Hole

Does this cunt never shut up? "Liverpool is the biggest club in Europe" - come on Joe, you mercenary bastard. You left Chelsea for the cash, fair enough, but please do us all a favour and get injured and sit in the stands for the rest of the season, desparate for a game.
2. A Down On Eidur

I know what you're thinking, here goes Les having a pop at Eidur because he joined Spurs. Too fucking right I am. I heard that he was seen walking around Seven Sisters, laughing and joking with Judas Durie. Pair of cunts.
3. Too Drunk To Fuck by Nouvelle Vague

A top song for that family BBQ. "I went to a party and danced all night. Had 16 beers and started up a fight." Deserves to be No.1.
4. Tyneside Tosser

Come in, J*****an Wo****te, you racist, pikey cunt, your number is up.
5. Bender Like Beckham
David Beckham in a West Ham shirt. West Ham only clung to the top table by the skin of their teeth. Their master plan for the new season - sign a 38 year old borderline retard. I was surprised that he was still alive ! Funny old game, eh?
6. Sunderland Already Relegated
Steve Bruce's masterstroke to plug a leaky defence? Titus Bramble. Still, I'd rather have Titus than that Matthew Upson.
7. Lower Than a Chihuahua
"I am confident that with some additions to the squad, hard work and commitment, we can move this club forward in the right direction." Yes it's none other than the very intense Sparky. Must be a relief for him to stop signing on at Wrexham dole office. I hear his wife is pleased that she won't have to put up with him sitting round the house all day in his pants, punishing the Bacardi Breezers. Fulham's new manager? How low can you go?
8. Ngog With Delight
Aged Sweeney extra Roy Hodgson praised the form of David Ngog this week. Enjoy it while you can, Roy, he won't score another competitive goal this side of Christmas.
9. Jock Strapped
Cheeky Scotsman Alec Ferguson has come out in support of the Glazer twins. Unfortunately his insight into business finance could be written on the back of a gnat's lash - according to Alec, the Glaziers aren't a pair of cunts, nor are they looking for a busted moooth.
10. Bitch No Mour ?
Priesty was way off the mark when he criticised our second best player. While Carvalho is no Michael Essien, I would never suggest he is Jose's spunkbucket. The correct protocol is to wait till he's actually left before sticking the knife in.

You see my point ?
Les.

"Carvalho is no Essien" - better pour yourself a large slug of laudanum, Les, you're in danger of talking sense. The reason Les is so keen on Carvalho, readers, is because they are like two peas in a fucking pod, i.e. flapping bitches in defence.
Priesty.
Is Dr Les quackers, or do you agree with every word ? Tell him what YOU think.

**Surgery Notes - 2nd August 2010**
Sir, The birds are singing, the sun is shining, the grass is growing, all is good in the world. Here's 10 things that are tickling my prostate: 1. Joe Cole, Shut Your Hole Does this cunt never shut up? "Liverpool is the biggest club in Europe" - come on Joe, you mercenary bastard. You left Chelsea for the cash, fair enough, but please do us all a favour and get injured and sit in the stands for the rest of the season, desparate for a game. 2. A Down On Eidur I know what you're thinking, here goes Les having a pop at Eidur because he joined Spurs. Too fucking right I am. I heard that he was seen walking around Seven Sisters, laughing and joking with Judas Durie. Pair of cunts. 3. Too Drunk To Fuck by Nouvelle Vague A top song for that family BBQ. "I went to a party and danced all night. Had 16 beers and started up a fight." Deserves to be No.1. 4. Tyneside Tosser Come in, J***an Wote, you racist, pikey cunt, your number is up. 5. Bender Like Beckham David Beckham in a West Ham shirt. West Ham only clung to the top table by the skin of their teeth. Their master plan for the new season - sign a 38 year old borderline retard. I was surprised that he was still alive ! Funny old game, eh? 6. Sunderland Already Relegated Steve Bruce's masterstroke to plug a leaky defence? Titus Bramble. Still, I'd rather have Titus than that Matthew Upson. 7. Lower Than a Chihuahua "I am confident that with some additions to the squad, hard work and commitment, we can move this club forward in the right direction." Yes it's none other than the very intense Sparky. Must be a relief for him to stop signing on at Wrexham dole office. I hear his wife is pleased that she won't have to put up with him sitting round the house all day in his pants, punishing the Bacardi Breezers. Fulham's new manager? How low can you go? 8. Ngog With Delight Aged Sweeney extra Roy Hodgson praised the form of David Ngog this week. Enjoy it while you can, Roy, he won't score another competitive goal this side of Christmas. 9. Jock Strapped Cheeky Scotsman Alec Ferguson has come out in support of the Glazer twins. Unfortunately his insight into business finance could be written on the back of a gnat's lash - according to Alec, the Glaziers aren't a pair of cunts, nor are they looking for a busted moooth. 10. Bitch No Mour ? Priesty was way off the mark when he criticised our second best player. While Carvalho is no Michael Essien, I would never suggest he is Jose's spunkbucket. The correct protocol is to wait till he's actually left before sticking the knife in. You see my point ? Les. "Carvalho is no Essien" - better pour yourself a large slug of laudanum, Les, you're in danger of talking sense. The reason Les is so keen on Carvalho, readers, is because they are like two peas in a fucking pod, i.e. flapping bitches in defence. Priesty. Is Dr Les quackers, or do you agree with every word ? Tell him what YOU** think.

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